DUHHH people

When I was in preschool I was convinced that there were many things yet to be discovered--overlooked by grownups--that could be uncovered by myself, at the age of five, for the good of all mankind. Or for just mine. Among these:

--A different color. Who said Crayola figured them all out? I'd walk around the house, looking for something to stump my parents with. Or I'd close my eyes and try to imagine something outside the regular color spectrum really, really hard.

--A different letter. Whoever came up with "C" was lame because both sounds already existed. If I came up with a new sound and symbol would America add it to the alphabet?

--The solution to world hunger: grass. Cows ate it, goats ate it, why couldn't people eat it? Grass existed everywhere. Why did Mom buy salad when she could just ask me to gather it for dinner?

--Acorn flour/soup. Sadly, the Indians had beaten me to this one but I still believed I could reintroduce it to all my friends and family. I cracked open acorns with a rock and ate the white inside. It was bitter and nasty. I told my siblings and family that it was really good and that we should have it for dinner one night.

--The solution to missionaries everywhere: candy. My parents told me that not all our relatives were Christian and I was appalled. Why didn't we tell them that if they converted we'd send them bags of candy in the mail?

--Secret rooms, stairways, passages, trapdoors somewhere in our Richmond apartment. Someone had to have put those in sometime in the past 100 years. I imagined the room might be FULL of forgotten toys or, horrifyingly, SKELETONS from the time of World War II, the underground railroad, or King Arthur.

APPARENTLY or at least according to these two pictures I also pulled inspiration from "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde".....................sugar and spice and everything nice!!! vs. gothic vampire child III VILL KEEEELLLL YOUUU if you come near this bambi-eyed brother i am protecting/corrupting.